Friday, August 1, 2008


I know it looks like I'm mad in this picture, but I really wasn't :)

You're probably gonna want to grab some Kleenex on this one, just be forewarned. I needed some!

As I'm sure you can understand, each member of the family is handling the fact that I have cancer very differently. Of course they are, as we are all individuals with different personalities. If my kids don't know anything else, they know they can ask me anything they want to - even if it makes me sad or uncomfortable or I don't know the answer. I told them we'll just find the answer, if we need to. My heart is to help them through this, too. IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT ME!!!! That's always been my attitude about this since we got the news.

Our12 year old daughter, Tess, has chosen to express some of her feelings through poetry and she wrote a very lovely poem. I cried when I read it. I asked her today if she would mind me sharing it on my blog and she said I could. So here it is...

I want it all fake,
I wish it wasn't real.
Everything inside me;
It's just the way I feel.
Can't it just go away?
Can't it just be fake?
Just some cruel joke,
Just a big mistake.
Making everyone scared.
I think it's all fake.
But it isn't at all.
We're all doing our best, not to see my family fall.
Dear God, oh please
Let her be healed.
She's my mom.
And I love her.
I don't know what I would ever do without her.


  1. Oh Michelle, a tear jerker is correct. Ya'll are such a Loving Family.It shows in every post and in her poem.
    My Love, Thoughts, and prayers are with ya'll!

  2. Oh Michelle, this is such a sweet letter. You daughter is grieving and worried, but still trusting in the One who can work miracles. You have a beautiful loving family. Her note is precious as she is. Hugs and prayers, Kathi

  3. A beautiful heart she has! I'm glad she's not holding her feelings inside where they can do some damage. She's just beautiful, just like you!
    Love you,

  4. Michelle,
    You do not know me even in blogland but never the less your post touched me to the core and I want you to know I will add you and sweet family to my prayers and to the prayer roll at our church. It seems we are all on this earth together as our Lord's children and all of us have tests in this life, therefore we need each other to help us through.
    May Heavenly Father surround you with his love and may you feel peace as you go into surgery. we have two members of our family going through cancer treatment right now and they are such a source of strength and faith to all of us. Humor is so important for the spirit. You see my husband also had a bilateral Masectomy about 12 years ago. At the time I never knew a man even got breast cancer! He is doing wonderfully and has little faint smiles under his niples. (We laugh about his smiley nips!) Our daughters dear friend who is in her early 30's went through the same a few years ago and after her reconstruction says she never thought she could look so 'perky' and loves her new breasts.
    I know this is a long comment, but your story struck a cord in my heart as did the beautiful heartfelt poem your darling daughter wrote of the love for her mom and her plea to God.
    Try to enjoy the next few weeks the fun vacation, birthdays and anniversary and make it a memorable time in your life.
    With love, faith and lots of prayers, Beth

  5. Michelle~You are correct...tearjerker! Your daughter did an amazing job expressing her feelings! That was the sweetest poem! Thanks for sharing your story!

  6. What an amazing daughter...and a lovely poem.

    You'll be in our prayers every day!! And...if you haven't seen it yet...we're starting A DAY OF PRAYER on our Blog, every Tuesday! Your name will remain there, if that's OK with you!


  7. For Tess,
    Sweet Tess you are so beautiful and talented, that poem is a wonderful way to express yourself from your heart, and know it is not only a poem but a prayer, God knows you are scared and he knows you may even be angry, in fact as as adult I am feeling the same thing for your Mom, I am scared and quite honestly a little mad .....but God *gets it* he knows we are human and can feel all these things. But I promised myself I am going to have superhero faith for your Mom and all of you and be a praying FREAK!!!! God hears our worries and our fears and also see's our faith, so that is where we all come together to have faith for your Mom. You have touched so many of us with your words, never stop writing....or expressing yourself with poetry, afterall that is why so many of us *blog* today. Thank you for sharing with us a part of you! Your Mom is a top notch chick!


  8. Michelle, You look fabulous! your famiy is Beautiful Inside and Out, and you have a lot to be thankful for! I know you know that!
    Wonderful way for your daughter to express herself, My daughter did the same, everyone is scared, that is normal how you deal with it will help everyone else, I choose to be brave and never waver, some said I was so positive that I was in denial, I chose to just think and be positive and fight!
    I have belief that God gave this to me as a gift! Yes a gift, a new path he wanted me to take! I sailed through my treatments with little or no hardtime, SO he gave me this to help others and sing from the trees to take care of your self! I sent a copy of me without hair to all my girlfriends so they could see me and then I said get your mammogram, Most did , some did not, but that is not for me to judge! Through my journey I have learned so much, most being this,Love unconditioanlly, never judge others, be kind, helpful, sharing , giving, simplfy! It changed me forever, I don't need THINGS in my life to make me happy!
    you can't take i with you! So I spend my days on this earth, Loving God and my family,enjoying them and the moment, helping my DH through his disabilty the best I can,I had to go to work to help out, some people have said I should not work, but it is just not possible, I need to ,to take some pressure off my DH, besides I prayed about it and God said, nothin wrong with you get with it! I am so thankful I can, I am so thankful for my health! Hmmmmmmm. I feel a new post comin! I am thankful for you , My friend, be kind to yourself! Your in my thoughts and prayers! XO Diana Lyn

  9. Michelle,

    Wow Tess is just as beautiful as you are. And what a heart she has. Thanks for the kleenex warning. I love that your kids can come to you with anything. They process these things in such different ways and it must bring them much comfort to know they can come to you.

    Tess - God hears your prayers. It may not seem like it sometimes. I know that my daughter often wonders why she's not getting the answer she wants. (she will be 13 on Sunday) But she is learning to trust God in a way she never thought possible. What a heart you have, your mom must be very proud!

    Praying for you all,

  10. Tess is so sweet. I loved her poem so much.
    Love Candy :)

  11. You're made me cry! What a precious poem from your sweet little girl. I hope she knows that their are so many people praying with her for your complete healing.


  12. It's always so hard on family members when there is an illness. They feel so helpless. For a child to know their parent has cancer has to be so scary.

    That was so sweet of her to write down her feelings and share them with you.

    I'm still praying for you daily.


  13. Michelle,
    I'm over from Candy's blog...I've been praying.
    How awesome that your daughter can put all of that into words-very sweet and *real*.
    I loved the comments you made about your husband-he must be a real comfort to you.
    Keep trusting...aren't we soo thankful God does not depend on our *feelings*?

  14. :) out of the mouth of brave a little girl!

  15. I am so praying hard..
    I know this journey
    each one is different
    with each person..but let me
    know if I can help you get
    through it..
    I have to tell you,I HATE cancer!!!

    You can beat it, just rest up
    and prepare to never give up.


  16. It must be theraputic for your daughter to put her thoughts on paper. What a treasure she is to you. I'll pray for you & your family to come through this stronger than ever before.
    hugs, DebraK

  17. Yeah, it's a tear jerker for sure. What depth and compassion she has for such a young girl.

    Keeping you ALL covered in prayer sister!!



  18. Oh, that is precious indeed. Prayers coming your way.
    Ran across your blog and had to comment, hope ya don't mind.

  19. Oh Michelle...yes it was definitely a tear jerker...but a very well written poem..and something Tess needed to share with you. Please know Tess, that God will watch over your mom; and our prayers are helping too.

    Hugz...lots of them,

  20. Michelle, what a gorgeous girl you have there. My husband is in remission from cancer...its amazing when you look around just how many people you know or know of who have or have had this YUKKKKKY disease. I hate cancer too but it certainly helps to have all those people out there sending love and prayers hey.

    I hope with all my heart that you go and kick some serious cancer butt!

    Shann x


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