Friday, June 5, 2009

Lots of Emotions

Thank you all so much for your sweet thoughts and prayers. Just wanted to check in and give a quick update. Wow, today is quite an emotional one for me. Tonight is Tyler's high school graduation commencement and I'm suspended somewhere between joy and disbelief! I just can't believe he is all grown up now and ready to step out into the world and make his way. His college plans are to attend a culinary arts program at a private university down south. We will travel there next month for the orientation. I keep asking myself, 'WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE???'

I did not go to my radiation treatment yesterday and instead made arrangements to meet my sister at her house, then head to the hospital to see our grandma. (They all live an hour south of me.) I do not have any good news. No, it was a day of finality and goodbyes, seeing and reminiscing with relatives I haven't seen in a while. Lisa & I stayed at the hospital until about 3:30 a.m. It was hard to walk out of there knowing I will not see Grandma alive again. Her 85th birthday is next Sunday. She is the last of our grandparents; the other 3 passed on years ago.

It was heartbreaking to see Grandma's frail little body, all bruised from the fall out of bed the other night that broke 3 of her ribs. The double pneumonia is causing her lungs to fill up with fluid, as she cannot cough anything up. Her breathing has become labored. There are no heroic measures being taken to save her life per her wishes...the family has agreed we all want to see Grandma comfortable. She will possibly be moved to a hospice facility today; haven't heard any word on that as of yet. We suspect Grandma thinks a few of her sons are her late husband (she has the advanced dementia); she perked right up when each of my uncles were comforting her.

I knew when I made the trip down there my grandma would not recognize me. I am glad I went. I am glad I was able to say goodbye. It seems like "goodbye" has 2 altogether separate meanings in my life today - Grandma and Tyler...


  1. AWW I'm so sorry Michelle! We went through that with my grandma 9 years ago. It was so hard!

    And I know how you're feeling about your son's graduation. It's so hard to believe they grow up so fast! Congratulations to him and big hugs and love to you!!!


  2. Joy and sadness ... all in the same day.

  3. I don't think there is anything harder than saying goodby. You definitely have a heart full of emotions today, and I will be thinking of you and praying for you!

  4. Your post broke my heart. I know all of those feelings you are going through. I haven't had any grandparents since I was 25 and lost my only surviving grandmother - I loved her dearly.

    And graduation! Finally! I am so proud of him, so happy for you and sad at the same time. It is a big, big day for all of you.

    I am sending love, hugs, prayers and good thoughts your way. I hope your weekend is restful and wonderful and that you enjoy this evening.

    Love to you, my friend.


  5. Michelle, Think of you and saying some prayers. You are so sweet. Your love for your son and your grandma are so evident. Bless you sweetie. Kathi


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