Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Another Step of the Journey...

Today is the day. I have to be at my oncologist's office at 11 AM this morning to start the first chemo treatment. I saw the room where I'll be going at my last doctor's appointment. It's a fairly large room and it has a row of chairs all lined up, probably about 8-10 of them. Each chair has a small flat screen TV above it. There's a table filled with snacks. There's a bathroom right there so you don't have to walk far.

I don't want to go. But I know I have to. There really isn't any other choice in the matter. Period. End of story. I don't want to talk about MY journey with anyone else right now OR listen to anyone else's story of cancer. It reminds me of sitting on an airplane and not wanting to get into conversation with the stranger sitting next to you. I have an assortment of books ready. Oh, it's not that I'm uncaring - I'm a compassionate person. I just don't feel like talking or listening today. I'm just being honest. I want to go there, put in my time and get out. Three hours - hope it goes quickly.

I've gotten somewhat used to having the med-port underneath my collarbone. I can see it. I can feel it, especially if I turn my head a certain way or lift my arm up. It's a strange sensation. I think of being hooked up to that IV this morning, being pumped full of those powerful drugs that have unpleasant side effects. I think of losing my hair. That reality is creeping closer and closer. I thought I was ready for it, more prepared. Then I realize how much I'm not. A bald head. Hmmm, I can't quite picture that.

My anti-nausea prescriptions are all ready. I have a weak stomach. I'm praying I don't throw up. I'm praying the medicine will work...and quite quickly, at that. I'm praying I'm one of those people who doesn't get knocked right down by chemo. I don't like laying around on the couch. I've always been so strong and active. This is so hard to face...

Thank you for your warm thoughts and prayers. They all mean so much to me. I believe they've made all the difference in the world. Please leave me a comment, even if you usually don't. I would really love to meet you.


  1. Hi Michelle,
    Praying everything goes well for you today!
    I think its wonderful you can be so honest and open!:o)
    You have alot of Bloggyland Friends who Love's and Supports you!:o)
    I'm praying for you!
    Blessins, (((((HUGS)))))

  2. Oh Michelle,

    My heart goes out to you, sis! HUGZ to you, too!!

    Tom and I will join in your prayers for all to go well and the anti-nausea meds to work..and quickly!


  3. Dear Michelle,

    My prayers are with you today. I pray it all goes really smoothly and you will be comfortable. God bless you honey, you have been through so much.

    Love, Sharon

  4. I'm praying for you today..
    From here on it needs to be ABOUT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!
    and getting well.
    I pray you'll do well..wish you didn't need a port. Did the doctor just do it or was there a true need cuz of your veins.

    I am making lists to remind me what I need to do each day..
    I can't believe you had the whole week planned for dinner. I love what you've planned.

    Take CARE, let others help, ask for help

    try to walk if you can.. be careful with yourself and Get WELL QUick.
    fondly, Deena

  5. I am praying for you today and in the days to come.

    May you feel His arms holding you tight.

  6. Michelle, You are so precious. I like the advice Deena gave. Please just know we are all thinking about you and praying for you. I will pray that you don't get sick to your stomach. Hugs, Kathi

  7. i found you through Deena's are in my thoughts and prayers today. I traveled this path a year ago and it can be done.
    Take all of the anti-nausea meds and you should be fine (I never got sick). You will be suprised how strong you really are. All the best!

  8. Hugs, love and prayers!!!! I totally understand not wanting to talk to anyone today about your journey. You're not uncaring at all! Stay strong and know you have sooo many prayers being sent up for you!

  9. Oh Michelle...I have been praying for you since this first started. I absolutely don't blame you at all for not wanting to talk or listen to anyone. I sooo hope it goes fast for you today. You are such a strong woman...I don't know if I could do as well as you.

    Hugs girlfriend,

  10. Hi Michelle. I came to your blog through Deena's today for the first time. I hope this scary day goes by quickly, and that each day forward becomes easier. If God takes you to it, He will get you through it. Best wishes......marly

  11. I walked over from Deena's blog and am praying that you are through with your treatment for the day. It's 3:25 in Texas so maybe you are already home in your snug bed. I hope you don't feel the bad effects and that God's healing hands will support you. Take care!

  12. Michelle, prayers and hugs going out to you today!!



  13. Oh you have been on my mind today Michelle! I hope and pray that you aren't experiencing any nausea and that your first chemo session went better than you expected.

    There are alot of people(friends) lifting you up in prayer...I hope it brings you comfort.

  14. Dear Michelle,
    Just read your post tonight and prayed for you. Hope you are doing well tonight. Nancy

  15. Michelle, came through Kathy. I pray for peace of mind and heart for you. That you are able to face this without fear, but trusting all the way in He who gives life.
    Many of us have experienced the same in one way or another and can relate. Know we each care and want what is best for you.
    Praying also for your tummy, that it stays calm for you.

  16. Praying for all those concerns! And you are being honest about your feelings .....nothing wrong with ARE a compassionate person....this is about you, about your complete and total healing, and you WILL get there!

    having faith....

  17. I don't think you are being uncarring for not wanting to talk to others about what you are going through or for not wanting to hear what they are going through. That is so understandable.

    You need to just think about yourself right now. Be strong and get through this. Then you can worry about others.

    I pray you get through all this will little to no discomfort and that you don't lose your hair. But, if you do, know it will come back. This is just a little blip in time for you. You won't stay here forever.

    Big hugs,


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