To Further Bare My Soul...

Oh my, ANOTHER brutally honest post from me? Hey, what have I got to lose?!

When I first started blogging, I didn't know what I really wanted from it. To make friends? To share neat decorating ideas, ideas about homemaking, recipes? Yeah, I guess it was all about that.

I knew what I DIDN'T feel comfortable sharing - probably like many of you. WAY too much of my personal life. Specifics about normal family issues - I'd never want to embarrass Bobby or the kids by revealing too much of that type of thing. We are a typical family who faces typical issues but that doesn't mean I've gotta blab it all to everyone.

Then after a few months I got wise to the competitiveness that goes on in blogging. The whole attitude, "look how many readers *I've* got", "look how many comments people leave me" - imagine that being said in a real snappy, middle school girlish tone. (I KNOW that tone - I HAVE a middle schooler!) 'Cause if we're honest here, that IS a commonplace reality in Blogland. I started to question if I should continue blogging - mostly because all of that boastful garbage really bugged me, to tell ya the truth. People trying to be the MOST popular, to have the greatest, cutest blog with the most readers. Basically trying to be "big stuff show-offs". Yuk.

I reached the decision that I WOULD continue. But really only because I wanted to maintain the friendships with so many interesting, kindhearted nice people I'd met. I got to the place where I decided all that other stuff didn't matter to me. When it comes right down to it, who really cares if you get like a HUNDRED comments on one post? Or how many hits in a day? Or how many followers? Those things are nice but tell me, does all of THAT make you popular? And who cares if you're popular in Blogland anyhow? If only a few sincere people who genuinely care leave a positive and encouraging comment, then THAT is what matters - not all that other stuff.

So, that's what was going on with me and my honest thoughts about blogging. Then in the middle of May this past spring my son was involved in a serious car accident and I knew after arriving at the scene how quickly life is but a vapor...by all accounts, Tyler should have died in that car but God spared him. I was busy taking care of Tyler and all the stuff I felt about blogging really, really, really didn't matter anymore. (I'm not trying to be mean or rude but c'mon, in the grand scheme of life, does it really matter that 200 people gush over a window treatment or something you've shown on your blog?! Am I going to feel bad 'cause only a handful of people compliment me on a project I've shared on my blog?!) A couple months passed...then in the middle of July I was diagnosed with breast cancer. LIFE...SURVIVAL became what's the most important of all and I realized how many supportive, wonderful friends I had made through blogging - they reached out and flooded me with cards and gifts and made me feel very loved and cared for. THAT is what it's all about, if you ask me. The friendships you make. Oh, the other stuff is fun - decorating ideas, sharing things we've done in our homes, etc. - but I do wish it wasn't so competitive. Sometimes people can be very cutting and leave comments they shouldn't. I haven't really experienced any of that, thankfully - but I have heard tell of situations where that's been the case. And it's so sad. It shouldn't be like that. I hope you're understanding my meaning here - it's NOT to be down on all these other bloggers. No, I'm simply sharing my observations. I know I'm not too far off the mark; I've discussed this with a few other bloggers and they have noticed this stuff, too.

I suppose all of that has been why I'm sometimes reluctant to share my heart, to put it right out there for all to read. Being vulnerable can be a scary thing and not a comfortable position to be in. But then again, there's a lot to be said for honesty, don't you think?

On another note...By the grace of God, I AM getting through this cancer journey. Day by day, putting one foot in front of the other. Oh, it's not easy. There are good days and bad days but hey, isn't that just life in general? Thanks to all who have reached out to me. You've made my life a lot better and it's one of the big reasons why I continue to blog. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.