Monday, October 13, 2008

Random Thoughts

The whole weekend was something of a blur for me. One day passed into the next of laying down either in bed or on the couch, being so so sick. The anti-nausea medicine didn't seem to help. That headache I had? It just kept going on and on beating inside my head like a drum. I cried. I prayed. I cried some more.

I went to the oncologist's office on Thursday for the 'boost up' shot. The nurse told us it might make me feel like I had the flu. I had to laugh at the irony of something that's supposed to 'help' affecting me the way it did.

I HATE chemo! I HATE cancer! I HATE feeling so sick and helpless! To think I have to endure 3 more rough treatments like the one I just went through sets me over the edge. (But I guess the last 12 ones with another kind of drug aren't supposed to be AS bad.)

My mind keeps going back to Philippians 4:13...'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me'. Yes, ALL things - even chemo... God hasn't left me. I am not alone. I know it will be okay. It's just hard walking through it, that's all.

It's the middle of the night right now but I can't sleep. My mind is anxious, filled with thoughts of a entire day's doctor appointment I have today. Bobby & I have to be at the University of Michigan Cancer Care Center bright and early. There we'll meet with a group of doctors who will review my case. (How weird is it to think of myself as a 'case'?!) We've been told it will last the entire day, beginning @ 9 AM right on through to 5 PM. I don't know what to expect. The hospital was supposed to send a package of information UPS but it hasn't arrived in time. I don't like not knowing.

May I ask something of you? PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE your self-breast exams on a regular monthly basis...KNOW your own body...have a mammogram (push to have one, if need be) vigilant about early detection!!!! Don't wait; don't put it off 'until next month' or whenever.

I'll continue to update...


  1. Praying & Praying & Praying.....
    ironically (?) I am up right now, thinking about you and praying ...and not being able to sleep......

    love you so much...


  2. Oh Michelle - Praying! I can hear your heart and I only wish there was something more I could do. But for now, I pray. I am on my way to an appointment right now that has me very nervous (I will update you about that later) but I too need to remember where my strength comes from. I don't want to give you flowery words of encouragement right now, just now that I'm thinking of you and praying!!


  3. Doing what I can...praying.



  4. Michelle,

    I've been reading your blog for awhile now (I'm sure I arrived here via Sheryl's blog The Perch), but have never commented.

    This morning though, you came to my thoughts in my prayer time and I just thought I would finally comment and let you know I, too, am praying for you.

    Thank you for sharing this difficult time with us.

    Many blessings to you today!


  5. Yes, it stinks, and it's crummy, and you've not been dealt a fair hand of cards right now. . . but please know that you are COVERED in prayer sister.

    Love and Hugs,


  6. Good morning Michelle, Lifting you up in Prayer,I know how you feel! Wish I could not say that but I do! My heart is aching for you! Hang in there!You can do this remember all things through Christ! I trained for 9 months after I stopped Chemo to walk the New York Breast Cancer 3 - Day walk! I walked every day some days as much as 14 miles! Yes 14! I made it you will too, I also got 32 women to get there Mammagrams I held them accountable and made them prove to me they did it! I also took a picture of me with no hair, :o( and sent a copy to allllll my friends and simple said(Get your Mamagrams). I am so glad you ahve your husband to be by your side I did also and it was so nice. He will go through changes with you too! :o) Big Hugs XO Diana Lyn

  7. Hey sweetie, left you some prayers on my blog!!!!!!!!!!!!

  8. Hi Michelle,
    I hope things gets better for you SOON! Please know I am praying for you!
    THere are Better days ahead for you!
    Love,Hugs, Prayers, Blessins',Lib

  9. Michelle, I'm so sorry for the pain and suffering you are going through. I am glad you are telling it like it is. I want to know all the things you are feeling and every bit of the pain and headaches you have. I will keep praying and I appreciate knowing the details for that reason.

    I am checking in with you every day, but not blogging otherwise. Thank you for that verse. That is the exact verse I wanted to add at the end of my post, but couldn't remember where it was found. I will add it now. Love, Kathi

  10. Hugs Michelle!!! You are not alone!


  11. Oh Michelle, your post made me weep. I am so sorry that you are having to endure all of this. Lifting you up in prayer always.

  12. Oh Michelle ~ I am praying so much for you. It just has to get better...soon. You know, I'm supposed to get my mammogram and I've been putting it off..trying to find the time for it. I'm going to make the appt. right now.


  13. Dear Michelle,

    I'm still praying. Oh how I pray for a miracle for you. How sweet of you to be worried about us and encouraging us all to get our mamograms and do our monthly checks. It is so true that we need to be on top of this. YOu are such a sweetheart. I am sorry that it is so hard on you. I sincerely pray that the Lord will heal you.

    God bless you,

  14. Sweet Michelle,
    I am so sorry it has been so hard and terrible for you. I am praying for you and your family as many are.
    Thank You for the reminder as I too have been putting off getting my mamogram this fall. You are so good to be thinking of all of us where you are suffering.
    May the Lord send you his choicest blessings.

  15. Michelle, You are in my thoughts and prayers. We are all hoping that tomorrow will be a better day for you. Big Hugs Deb

  16. (((((Michelle))))

    I am thankful you have your husband there by your side...don't forget all of us on here are standing right beside you, too...I am sure our dear Lord is being bombarded with prayers for you....

    Love ya girlfriend!


  17. I am so sorry that you are having to endure so much. My prayers are with you.

  18. Dear Michelle,

    Know that we are praying and praying some more for you everyday. I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. I remember watching my son deal with the effects of chemo and hating it so much and feeling so helpless. There are other drugs that you can try for nausea - make sure your doctors try them all so that you can be as comfortable as possible.

    I also wanted to thank you for my sweet card. You are an amazing woman. You are going through so much and still you took the time to think about me and my children. It truly meant the world to me.

    Take care of yourself. If you want to email me, I'll tell you what they tried with Clarke (and now his girlfriend, who is going through chemo) that seemed to help with the nausea.

    Love you,

  19. P.S. My address is elfmom (at) gmail dot com.

  20. Hi Michelle! I've been thinking of you today! I'm so glad you are up to blog visits :-)

    I would love to meet up at Frankenmuth one day! That would be a lot of fun!

    Prayers for you and much love and hugs!

  21. Was just thinking about you, so thought I'd stop by and say "hi". Continuing to pray for you. Anxious to hear what the docs at UofM had to say.

    Love to you-


I appreciate each and every single one of you who stops by for a visit...thank you! Please leave me a comment...I really love hearing from you :)