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I'd like to take an opportunity to wish each and every one of you a Happy New Year filled with much happiness, good health, peace and prosperity! I am praying that "2009" will be the greatest year EVER for all of us!
Personally, I'm looking really forward to getting through the rest of my cancer treatment/surgeries, growing HAIR again, watching our son graduate, celebrating with a grad party - among other things.
Although "2008" probably won't go down in history as being one of the best years we've ever had and I honestly can't wait for it to be through, each trial we go through in life presents an opportunity to make us bitter or better....I've chosen to become better! I don't want to walk around with a bitter attitude, bemoaning all that's happened. Nope, instead I will focus on all I have been blessed with. And that is actually A LOT...it's all about perspective, don't ya think?
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
Did everyone enjoy a nice Christmas? We visited with each side of the family and had a good time. (To be honest, I was in pain but it was still nice to see everyone.)
Well, now for the work of taking down all the Christmas decorations and putting everything away...ugh! Have you started? I haven't yet. I didn't put out as much this year. (Shoot, I was just thankful to even get the tree up, given the circumstances!)
How about shopping...anyone been hitting the after-Christmas sales? Not me. I've been sticking close to home.
Today is my sister's birthday...HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LISA! I won't share how old she is but it's older than me! ha ha Hope you have a great day :)
We've had a houseful of kids at any given time during this past week since school got out for break. Our girls have had several friends over so the household has been quite lively...I've been enjoying all the activity :)
Happy Monday to all...enjoy a great week!
Just wanted to wish each and every one of you a very Merry Christmas!
The remaining days before Christmas are going to be busy ones for me. Tomorrow is a CHEMO DAY and I still have several things left to do. I promised myself I WOULD NOT procrastinate but hey, sometimes life just happens that way! I was very sick last week from chemo treatment side effects...all of Friday and most of Saturday went by just like that...and I barely got out of bed. I missed a big Christmas party for my husband's side of the family on Saturday, which was kind of disappointing. Thankfully I felt much better by that evening. I'm learning to be REALLY grateful for the moments I DO feel well these days. I think that's what I'm disliking the very most about this part of the chemo - ya just never know quite HOW you're gonna be feeling. At least with the first 4 treatments, it all seemed to happen like clockwork.
My eyebrows and eyelashes are now going BUH-BYE. It's a funny thing how you just seem to "make peace" with each stage of the journey. Also how you can find a little bit of humor with things in this situation...like how goofy is it that MY HAIR is starting to grow back but now I'm losing the brows & lashes?! So many days I wish I could just stop this ride and get off!
Anyhow, be sure to hug the ones you love a little bit tighter. Take a little more time to reflect on all you have to be grateful for. Most of all, don't take life for granted. Enjoy the Christmas holiday!
Now, if only I could grow some HAIR from a Chia Head, I'd be in business! HA HA HA
Oh my, ANOTHER brutally honest post from me? Hey, what have I got to lose?!
When I first started blogging, I didn't know what I really wanted from it. To make friends? To share neat decorating ideas, ideas about homemaking, recipes? Yeah, I guess it was all about that.
I knew what I DIDN'T feel comfortable sharing - probably like many of you. WAY too much of my personal life. Specifics about normal family issues - I'd never want to embarrass Bobby or the kids by revealing too much of that type of thing. We are a typical family who faces typical issues but that doesn't mean I've gotta blab it all to everyone.
Then after a few months I got wise to the competitiveness that goes on in blogging. The whole attitude, "look how many readers *I've* got", "look how many comments people leave me" - imagine that being said in a real snappy, middle school girlish tone. (I KNOW that tone - I HAVE a middle schooler!) 'Cause if we're honest here, that IS a commonplace reality in Blogland. I started to question if I should continue blogging - mostly because all of that boastful garbage really bugged me, to tell ya the truth. People trying to be the MOST popular, to have the greatest, cutest blog with the most readers. Basically trying to be "big stuff show-offs". Yuk.
I reached the decision that I WOULD continue. But really only because I wanted to maintain the friendships with so many interesting, kindhearted nice people I'd met. I got to the place where I decided all that other stuff didn't matter to me. When it comes right down to it, who really cares if you get like a HUNDRED comments on one post? Or how many hits in a day? Or how many followers? Those things are nice but tell me, does all of THAT make you popular? And who cares if you're popular in Blogland anyhow? If only a few sincere people who genuinely care leave a positive and encouraging comment, then THAT is what matters - not all that other stuff.
So, that's what was going on with me and my honest thoughts about blogging. Then in the middle of May this past spring my son was involved in a serious car accident and I knew after arriving at the scene how quickly life is but a vapor...by all accounts, Tyler should have died in that car but God spared him. I was busy taking care of Tyler and all the stuff I felt about blogging really, really, really didn't matter anymore. (I'm not trying to be mean or rude but c'mon, in the grand scheme of life, does it really matter that 200 people gush over a window treatment or something you've shown on your blog?! Am I going to feel bad 'cause only a handful of people compliment me on a project I've shared on my blog?!) A couple months passed...then in the middle of July I was diagnosed with breast cancer. LIFE...SURVIVAL became what's the most important of all and I realized how many supportive, wonderful friends I had made through blogging - they reached out and flooded me with cards and gifts and made me feel very loved and cared for. THAT is what it's all about, if you ask me. The friendships you make. Oh, the other stuff is fun - decorating ideas, sharing things we've done in our homes, etc. - but I do wish it wasn't so competitive. Sometimes people can be very cutting and leave comments they shouldn't. I haven't really experienced any of that, thankfully - but I have heard tell of situations where that's been the case. And it's so sad. It shouldn't be like that. I hope you're understanding my meaning here - it's NOT to be down on all these other bloggers. No, I'm simply sharing my observations. I know I'm not too far off the mark; I've discussed this with a few other bloggers and they have noticed this stuff, too.
I suppose all of that has been why I'm sometimes reluctant to share my heart, to put it right out there for all to read. Being vulnerable can be a scary thing and not a comfortable position to be in. But then again, there's a lot to be said for honesty, don't you think?
On another note...By the grace of God, I AM getting through this cancer journey. Day by day, putting one foot in front of the other. Oh, it's not easy. There are good days and bad days but hey, isn't that just life in general? Thanks to all who have reached out to me. You've made my life a lot better and it's one of the big reasons why I continue to blog. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
A few of you have asked how I've been feeling so just thought I'd be pretty honest and share my heart a bit.
Don't know why really, but I guess I haven't spoken too deeply on my blog here about my cancer journey. I mean, sure I've referred to it - just in the general context of the appointments and treatments - but not how I feel about it. I suppose it's because I DO NOTwant cancer to define "ME", if that makes any sense. I don't want to constantly talk, talk, talk about it. There is still so much more to me than that stupid word.
Frankly, I've really been struggling with the whole thing. I'm tired of not having hair and now simply having a choice between wearing a wig or a cap. The night before Thanksgiving I had to run out to the grocery store for a forgotten dessert ingredient. I had been in the middle of making the dessert and realized I needed another container of Cool Whip. I just had a cute little beanie cap on and decided to run my errand like that. Well, as soon as I got of my car and walked into the store, people were looking at me real funny. No, it wasn't in my head nor was I being overly self-conscious. I mean, unless you're totally dumb you can tell if someone is staring at you or not. I hurriedly got what I needed, then just got outta there real quick. I got into my car and just burst out crying. I cried for quite a while that night. Bobby & the kids weren't home that evening and I was alone. I cried for how very drastically my whole life has changed within the span of almost 5 months....For how I've gotta deal with all this crap now. Oh, you just don't know how sick I get of it every single day!
I think my way of dealing with it is to try to carry on as normally as I possibly can. I told myself at the beginning I wasn't going to sit around and mope. I was going to try to hold my head up high and deal with it. I was going to MAKE myself get dressed and avoid LOOKING like a sickly cancer patient as much as I could. But ya know what? Life hasn't worked like that. There have been some really BAD days.
The side effects of the chemo have been so awful. This latest drug I've gotta take brought with it unbearably achy joints, tingling hands/feet and watery eyes...my eyes constantly water! The achy joints (imagine like when you have the flu - THAT kind of achy) and tingling happen approximately 2 days after the treatment. The pain began Thursday evening when I was at Tess' band concert. There were so many people there it was standing room only and not one available seat in the whole auditorium. I honestly didn't know HOW I was going to be able to STAND along the wall for over an hour. But really, WHAT was I gonna do...tell someone I need a seat 'cause I'm undergoing cancer treatment? Um no, don't think so! I finally ended up sitting on the floor along the semi-circular stage (not near the performance - no, by the back of the auditorium) and all I could think of when I was sitting with my back slightly on the brick wall was this....I've GOT to make sure this stupid wig doesn't catch on the brick and get pulled OFF MY HEAD!
The watery eyes thing? I'm having trouble being able to wear any eye make-up AT ALL. Now, before you go thinking I'm all vain or something...imagine YOURSELF in that situation if you had dark circles and your skin just looked pasty. Um, I don't really enjoy going around looking like that. I LOOK SICK...who wants to go around looking bad all the time? Know what else? It's painful; my eyes really do hurt.
You may have heard someone with cancer say this..."I just want the OLD ME back!" And every word of it is true. I look at before cancer pictures of me; I think back to how my life was before and I just want to bawl. But I have to say this...I HAVE NOT used cancer as an excuse in my life. I don't lay around in bed or on the couch making everyone feel sorry for me. That is the VERY LAST thing I want - pity. Nope, don't need that. Not today, not tomorrow, not EVER!
But I think I would be very remiss if I didn't share the flip side of how I feel. Oh my goodness, I am acutely aware of HOW BLESSED I truly am. Things really could be sooooo much worse. The cancer could have spread. I could be confined to a bed. I could lose all my independence. (Shoot, I drive myself back & forth to chemo - I'm STILL so independent!) And for all that HASN'T happened, I AM VERY GRATEFUL! So many people have loved me and supported me and been so kind throughout this journey. My heart is full of thankfulness.
So, I take it day by day and - as my mother would always say - don't borrow trouble. Isn't that how we should be living our lives anyhow? Remember, we're not promised tomorrow. We've got to make the most of every single day! I, for one, do not want to live with regrets. This cancer journey has just reinforced what I've always felt anyway...TREASURE THE MOMENT!
Today is a chemo day. Yep, gotta go in for a treatment this morning. I've learned to get as much done as I possibly can on the days I'm feeling great. Take yesterday, for example...it was a very productive day - grocery shopping, worked on Christmas gifts, etc. I'm going to put chicken in the crockpot after I get home from treatment this morning. That way supper will be ready with minimal effort.
How is everyone's week going so far? Are you all done with your Christmas preparations? I'm getting closer to being all finished.
Happy Tuesday to all!
Just thought I'd share the recipe for the other dessert I made for Bobby's Christmas party at work. It was really delicious and there wasn't a spoonful left in the pan at the end of the evening!
TASTY LAYERED DESSERT
2 cups crushed vanilla wafers
3/4 cup crushed dry roasted peanuts
1/2 cup margarine, melted
1 package (8-oz.) cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup peanut butter
1 cup confectioners' sugar
2 containers (8-oz. each) whipped topping, thawed & divided
3 cups milk
2 packages (3.4 oz. each) instant chocolate pudding
2 milk chocolate candy bars, broken into small pieces
1/2 cup crushed dry roasted peanuts
PREPARATION: In bowl, mix crushed vanilla wafers, crushed peanuts and margarine. Press into bottom of a 9-by-13-inch pan. Chill for 30 minutes.
For second layer: In mixing bowl, blend cream cheese and peanut butter with electric mixer. Add confectioners' sugar; mix. Add 1 container of whipped topping; blend well. Spread mixture over first layer; chill 30 minutes.
For third layer: In mixing bowl, combine milk and chocolate pudding; mix with electric mixer until thickened. Spread over second layer; chill 30 minutes.
For final layer: Spread second container of whipped topping over pudding. Mix peanuts and chocolate candy bar pieces together; sprinkle over topping. Chill for at least 30 minutes, or until ready to serve.
Makes 15 servings.
I went in for my chemo treatment today and everything went well with it, although it made me SOOOOO tired. I took a 2 hour nap right when I got home. This next stage of treatment is with a different drug called Taxol. I have to take 10 pills before I go into the doctor's office...5 @ 10 PM the night before; another 5 @ 4 AM the day of treatment. Silly me - I didn't read about the side effects until this morning...'may experience difficulty sleeping'. Um yeah, that probably explains why I didn't go to sleep until after midnight; then woke up @ 1:25 AM and never was able to go back to sleep! A dose of Benadryl in the IV is also given with the Taxol. Hence, the 2 hour nap ;)
The kids had a snow day again today; the 2nd one of the school year so far. Taylor & Tess went sledding with some friends. They had quite a bit of fun.
I've been working on several scrapbooks to give as Christmas gifts. Have you been doing any crafts or making handmade gifts?
Hope everyone is having a nice Tuesday!
We had a really nice time having dinner and visiting with our friends, Ken & Steph. I had to chuckle at how Bobby, Ken & Steph just couldn't believe they've been out of school for 25 years (I'm 3 years younger than they are) and how O-L-D it sounded back then to even imagine attending your 25-year class reunion! (Theirs was held this past summer but we missed it due to Bobby's emergency surgery that day.)
I had to go have my regular bloodwork done yesterday. I was SO happy that my blood cell count was up so I didn't have to have that additional shot! Chemo treatment #5 will be next Tuesday - this stage will be with a different drug other than what I have been getting for the last 2 months. My hair is starting to grow back ever so slightly...just lil tiny pickers sprouting all over - woo hoo!
Have you been decorating for Christmas yet? I've done a little bit so far. For the first time EVER, I have all my Christmas cards made out and ready to mail! Will you be sending out cards this year?
Happy Wednesday to all!
I'd like to take an opportunity to wish each and every one of you a Happy New Year filled with much happiness, good health, peace and prosperity! I am praying that "2009" will be the greatest year EVER for all of us!
