More Proofs

Just thought I'd share a few more of Tyler's senior picture proofs. Aw, now isn't he such a handsome boy?!

Thanks for all your kind, lovely, encouraging comments. I'm still trying to get used to not having any hair and let me tell ya, it's just tough. I don't like looking in the mirror right now, to be perfectly honest. It hasn't helped too much either that I've been sick, sick, sick...I stayed in bed all day yesterday. I'm feeling better this morning, though, and I'm going to go grocery shopping.

Tess tried out for the school volleyball team and made it...yay for Tessie!!! Taylor got her first paycheck from work!!!

Hope everyone is having a good week :)

It Was Time...

Tess & I went to her cheerleading banquet last night, then came home to have our own party of sorts...THE HEAD SHAVING PARTY! I decided yesterday was THE day to do it. Handfuls of hair came out in the shower and I just KNEW there wasn't any way I could continue to deal with THAT until all the hair fell out. NO WAY!!! In an effort to make it less traumatic and still feel somewhat in control of what is happening to me, I decided to make it a FUN thing. Who says there are any rules to this kind of thing anyhow? So, we got the clippers out. Bobby, the girls & I all gathered in the kitchen and got started on the task.
I was sad, no doubt about it - but I didn't cry...

In fact, I was actually laughing before too long!
Tess got in on the action, too. She was so afraid she was going to hurt my head.

Taylor and Tess were right there with me all the way. (Tyler wasn't home.) I have such a supportive family!
Notice Bobby's shirt? It says 'REAL MEN WEAR PINK'. Now, THAT is love...any man who will shave his wife's head, don't you agree?

So how do ya like my MOHAWK?! No 'fauxhawk' there...it was the real deal! Tess put lots of gel on it!!!
I was just being real silly! Sometimes you can't do anything but laugh, ya know...
They were gonna finish up shaving my head with shaving cream & a razor...I was cracking up! Bobby decided not to 'cause he didn't want to cut my head. He was pretty nervous. See my *PINK* t-shirt? They were selling these t-shirts at Taylor's school so she got one for each of us.
Wow, my hair sure had gotten dark with LOTS of gray in the last month...we were surprised at that! I usually had it colored with highlights and a few lowlights thrown in.

I went shopping yesterday and bought some new bandannas and earrings. Today I'm going to buy a few caps, maybe some hats. Still haven't decided about wearing a wig all the time or just some of the time. Who knows?

Believe it or not, I'm not sitting here crying or anything. Not feeling this great loss about my hair. I guess because I KNOW this is just one more step of the journey and it's NOT a forever thing. I'll be fine. It is what it is and there's no use moping around or acting sad all the time. No way, I've got lots of living to do!!!

Pray For a Fellow Blogger Friend

Please pray for our bloggin' friend, Karen, over @ Kindred Haven. She unexpectedly lost her brother this week. Her family also suffered the passing of her dear father in the last couple of years so they've really been through it. I know they'd all appreciate our prayers...

What's Your Advice?

Hello all, Got a question for ya...Here's the deal. After 14 days since the first chemo treatment, my hair is starting to thin. Not like handfuls of hair or anything like that yet; just strands of hair. My hair is normally SUPER THICK and even with this new hair loss, I still have a full head. It isn't like you would take a look at me and guess I'm losing anything. Nope, not at that point yet.

But, here's the question...if it was you, when/if would you just shave your head?

I'm not sure. I've been thinking about that today. You know, like why prolong the inevitable type thing. But I'm not sure I've got enough guts to do something quite so drastic yet. Please share your thoughts.

My 2nd chemo treatment went just fine today, although the tiredness factor has hit me full force this time around. I'm armed with all my meds so I'm hoping and praying the effects won't be quite as severe as what the 1st treatment left me with. Oh, and by the way...I'm HALFWAY DONE with the hardest ones...yippee!!!

OK, I'm gonna go lay back down to rest for a little bit. I've *GOT* to make it to Tess' band concert tonight. Bobby can't go 'cause of big stuff going on at work and the thought of her having *no one* there just doesn't sit well with me. I still feel well enough to go; I really *do* know my limits so I promise I won't push it :)

*Edited to add* I really tried to make it to Tessie's band concert. Oh, how I wanted to be there...but I just couldn't. I realized my limits like I said in the above paragraph. Tess tried out for the school volleyball team today, then came home to change for the concert real quick. The parents of her best friend took Tess to the school and they'll cheer her on right along with their daughter. I'm so thankful for that - you know, for others being there when Bobby & I aren't able to. (He is out of town for work training.) I talked it over with Tess and I have to tell you what a mature, kind, loving, understanding daughter I have for a girl of 12 years old. She told me she wouldn't be hurt if I didn't go because she understands I'm not feeling well; Tess said there will be other concerts this year and I can just go then. Isn't she an awesome kid? Oh how I love that little sweetie!

Can He Really Be This Old Already?

As promised, this is one of Tyler's senior picture proofs. I LOVE it! I'm sure it's gonna be hard to narrow it down to a few poses - Ty has always been very photogenic. I haven't seen all the proofs yet but some of the shots included Tyler with his guitar along some railroad tracks and also at a few local historic landmarks. We opted to go with all outdoor pictures except the one required head shot for the school yearbook. The more casual look really captures the 'real' Tyler and that's exactly what I had in mind :)

Case in point...one time when Tyler was about 3 years old and his little sister Taylor was a year old, we had just gotten into the car from making a trip to the fabric store. I had purchased a cute 'his & her' pattern to make a little boy's knicker/dress shirt with a bow tie outfit and the little girl's dress. (I think it was for a holiday; don't remember now.) Tyler was sitting in his car seat and he managed to get that pattern out of the bag and must have realized my plan to make that outfit for him and he just started bawling and carrying on...'NO, MAMA, NO! No shorty pants! I don't want those shorty pants!' (You know, the knickers.) I tried not to laugh and told Tyler it was okay. I never did end up making that outfit! HA HA Guess I didn't expect such a strong reaction from a 3 year old! So, you see, Tyler has NEVER been a big fan of dress clothes - even at that young age. Nothing's changed :) He's a t-shirt & jeans kinda guy.

Happy Tuesday to everyone!

Life is Good :)

Hello all,
Everything is going well. I've just been keeping real busy trying to unpack things and get as much stuff done now while I'm feeling GREAT! This week is a "CHEMO WEEK" - Wednesday morning, to be exact. Hopefully I won't get as sick this time. I've spent the last few days hanging artwork, window treatments, arranging accessories...you know, doing all the things that make a house a home. Today marks one month since we moved into this new place. (Hard to believe a whole month has passed!)

Tomorrow night I'm going to a Bible study. Wednesday night Tess has a band concert at school, then a cheerleading banquet the following night. Lots of activities this week :)

Our son Tyler got his senior pictures taken this past Saturday. I saw some of the proofs. Now, I know I'm a biased mom here but oh my, is Tyler ever a handsome boy! He looks like a model in the pictures I saw :) I'll be sure to show you at a later date, OK?

Hope everyone has a great evening!

The Appointment Update

Well, here's an update on what's been happening for the last few days...

The Monday appointment @ the U of M Cancer Center went well. My husband & I have decided that I *will* undergo an additional surgery to have more lymph nodes removed. That will take place once I'm all through with chemo. Radiation will follow. It's a totally elective surgery. The doctors there suggested it's a good idea to ensure there are no other unknown lymph nodes that are cancerous. Both Bobby & I feel it's better to be pro-active about this and really *know* for certain about these lymph nodes instead of just *hoping* they get everything through chemo. One of the complications involved is a condition in the arm known as lymphedema (which my breast cancer survivor cousin experienced) - swelling and numbness occurs. I realize everyone must decide for themselves, but to me it's worth taking that risk to put my mind more at ease. It may happen or it may not. I am confident I'll be able to deal with anything that comes my way, with God's help. That's how this whole journey has been so far...

I had my saline expander injections on Tuesday. That went just fine. I probably won't have to see the plastic surgeon again until my implant exchange surgery in about 6 months or so.

Yesterday I had to go in to the oncologist's office to have some blood drawn. My white counts are a little low but they assured me it's nothing to be overly concerned with. Everything else is great.

Back to Monday for a minute...I have to tell you how much I enjoyed the day, even though we did have to go for that appointment. Ann Arbor is a lovely town, full of sidewalk cafes and cute little shops. Bobby & I were able to go out to lunch. We found one of his favorite restaurants (BD's Mongolian Grill) so we ate there. The food was good and we enjoyed a nice time together. Afterwards we found a Starbucks. I got a strawberries & cream frappuccino (which I just get occasionally so it's a real treat) and Bobby got some coffee & a slice of pumpkin bread. We sat at a table outside, just watching all the downtown activity. The weather was absolutely BEAUTIFUL that day - like nearly 80 degrees. The couple hours we spent away from the hospital were so nice. As I've shared before, my husband has quite an enjoyable personality with such an awesome sense of humor and he was making me laugh the whole day. I love Bobby SO MUCH - he is such a blessing to me!

As far as any hair loss goes...it's 'Day 8' since 'Chemo #1' and I've only lost a few strands here and there...nothing major yet. A couple of people I met yesterday in the Chemo Room said all the activity gets going on 'Day 10'. Hmmm, I'll let ya know :)

A family we know brought us dinner last night - baked chicken, homemade mashed potatoes, broccoli & carrots, tossed salad and apple cider. Another family included a sweet card. It's so nice to be thought of :)

I have recently received some special packages from special blogging friends and I'll be posting about it soon.

Hope everyone is enjoying a good week!

P.S. Have any of you scheduled your mammogram yet? I hope so!!!

Random Thoughts

The whole weekend was something of a blur for me. One day passed into the next of laying down either in bed or on the couch, being so so sick. The anti-nausea medicine didn't seem to help. That headache I had? It just kept going on and on beating inside my head like a drum. I cried. I prayed. I cried some more.

I went to the oncologist's office on Thursday for the 'boost up' shot. The nurse told us it might make me feel like I had the flu. I had to laugh at the irony of something that's supposed to 'help' affecting me the way it did.

I HATE chemo! I HATE cancer! I HATE feeling so sick and helpless! To think I have to endure 3 more rough treatments like the one I just went through sets me over the edge. (But I guess the last 12 ones with another kind of drug aren't supposed to be AS bad.)

My mind keeps going back to Philippians 4:13...'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me'. Yes, ALL things - even chemo... God hasn't left me. I am not alone. I know it will be okay. It's just hard walking through it, that's all.

It's the middle of the night right now but I can't sleep. My mind is anxious, filled with thoughts of a entire day's doctor appointment I have today. Bobby & I have to be at the University of Michigan Cancer Care Center bright and early. There we'll meet with a group of doctors who will review my case. (How weird is it to think of myself as a 'case'?!) We've been told it will last the entire day, beginning @ 9 AM right on through to 5 PM. I don't know what to expect. The hospital was supposed to send a package of information UPS but it hasn't arrived in time. I don't like not knowing.

May I ask something of you? PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE ladies...do your self-breast exams on a regular monthly basis...KNOW your own body...have a mammogram (push to have one, if need be)...be vigilant about early detection!!!! Don't wait; don't put it off 'until next month' or whenever.

I'll continue to update...

Chemo Treatment #1

Boy, was I ever nervous on the way to the doctor's office yesterday. I think it was due to the fear of the unknown - more than anything else. My husband took me there. The first thing the nurse did was get the IV lines hooked up to my med-port. Whoa, that hurt! I thought I was gonna jump right outta that chair 'cause it burned so much. I tried not to but I started crying. Mostly from the pain but also from looking around at everything in that room and attempting to come to terms of why I was even there.

The room wasn't crowded with other patients at that point. I have to say I was relieved. Three people were finished just as I was beginning my treatment. One gentleman came in for his treatment and left while I was still there. Another lady was there the entire time. The atmosphere was different than what I expected. Not a lot of pressure to engage in conversation if you didn't want to. I did talk to some of the others in the room but we talked about other stuff - our families, etc. - and not strictly about our cancer experience. I was glad.

My treatment only lasted two hours instead of three. I got all snuggled on the couch after I got home. I was so sleepy and dozed off and on for hours. The nurse told us a headache is a typical side effect of the drugs I received. I did (and still do) have one. Despite taking the anti-nausea medicine, I felt sick all evening and right on through today. (Glad I had those oyster crackers on hand!)

I have to get myself ready to go to the doctor's office for that boost-up shot. I've got to be there anytime before 3 PM. Thankfully it's just a 'walk in/get the shot/walk out' thing. A typical wait in almost every single one of the doctor's offices I have to go to is about 1 & a half-2 hours. (Yes, I'm learning patience :)

Anyhow, I survived Treatment #1. Next week is full of more doctor's appointments (radiology oncologist/expander injections by the plastic surgeon/fasting bloodwork at the regular oncologist's office) but no chemo treatment. That will be the week after.

Thank you again for all the wonderful, encouraging, supportive comments and prayers. They are so appreciated. Wishing each one of you a lovely day!

Another Step of the Journey...

Today is the day. I have to be at my oncologist's office at 11 AM this morning to start the first chemo treatment. I saw the room where I'll be going at my last doctor's appointment. It's a fairly large room and it has a row of chairs all lined up, probably about 8-10 of them. Each chair has a small flat screen TV above it. There's a table filled with snacks. There's a bathroom right there so you don't have to walk far.

I don't want to go. But I know I have to. There really isn't any other choice in the matter. Period. End of story. I don't want to talk about MY journey with anyone else right now OR listen to anyone else's story of cancer. It reminds me of sitting on an airplane and not wanting to get into conversation with the stranger sitting next to you. I have an assortment of books ready. Oh, it's not that I'm uncaring - I'm a compassionate person. I just don't feel like talking or listening today. I'm just being honest. I want to go there, put in my time and get out. Three hours - hope it goes quickly.

I've gotten somewhat used to having the med-port underneath my collarbone. I can see it. I can feel it, especially if I turn my head a certain way or lift my arm up. It's a strange sensation. I think of being hooked up to that IV this morning, being pumped full of those powerful drugs that have unpleasant side effects. I think of losing my hair. That reality is creeping closer and closer. I thought I was ready for it, more prepared. Then I realize how much I'm not. A bald head. Hmmm, I can't quite picture that.

My anti-nausea prescriptions are all ready. I have a weak stomach. I'm praying I don't throw up. I'm praying the medicine will work...and quite quickly, at that. I'm praying I'm one of those people who doesn't get knocked right down by chemo. I don't like laying around on the couch. I've always been so strong and active. This is so hard to face...

Thank you for your warm thoughts and prayers. They all mean so much to me. I believe they've made all the difference in the world. Please leave me a comment, even if you usually don't. I would really love to meet you.

Weekly Menu Planning...What's For Dinner?

I'm a list maker by nature. I plan weekly dinner menus. I write detailed grocery lists. I don't like to shop without my handy dandy list. But I'm pretty flexible about changing the plan if we need to. You know, like I don't cook a big meal if it's just Bobby & me or whatever. Tyler isn't around home much to eat anymore...he's either working or busy with friends. Taylor & Tess aren't always home at the same time. So it really just depends but I do like to have a plan.

The handle broke off my crockpot a few months ago. Bobby bought me a new one a few weeks back. I'm anticipating that it will get a lot of use as I'm going through chemo. I want to be able to still care of my family as much as I can, despite my treatments (which start tomorrow morning).

Here's this week's menu...

Monday: Smoky corn chowder-sourdough biscuits
Tuesday: Crockpot chili-cornbread cake
Wednesday: BBQ chicken (in crockpot)-mashed potatoes-green beans-biscuits
Thursday: Chicken caesar salad-blueberry muffins
Friday: *Bobby & I usually eat out...kids are doing own thing*

What about you guys...do you plan weekly menus? How has life changed for you as your kids have gotten older? My MIL used to make dinner early and leave covered plates for all 4 of her sons as they came home at different times due to sports/work schedules, etc. - they'd 'heat & eat'...yep, Bobby was a spoiled boy!!! ha ha Sundays were always family dinners together, though, no matter what went on during the week.

So, tell me about your schedules....

First Job!

WOW, I just can't believe it...Taylor got her first job!!! She "officially" starts today after school. Taylor is going to be picking apples at one of the local orchards. A little spending $$, learning the lesson of responsibility...yep, I think it'll be real good for her :)

Homecoming and the 'Big Reveal'

Our daughter, Tess, is the one in the front of the picture. She makes such a cute cheerleader; I LOVE watching her facial expressions when she cheers! Tess is very animated. I did not go to the Homecoming parade on Friday night; Tess walked in it with the rest of the cheer squad and threw out candy. It was pretty chilly out so I decided to just stay home. Afterwards, Tess went to the Homecoming football game with her friends (my husband went, too - but the girls didn't hang out with him LOL). We live so close to the school now - you can see the field and hear the game going on.
They won, they won!!! It was the 7th grade boy's football team's first win of the season on Saturday afternoon...yay for them! Tess sat out for a little bit after she got stung by a bee, but she was able to participate in their special 'half time' dance routine. The girls did such a good job!
Tess is one of the back spotters when they do stunts.
Our cute lil daughter, Taylor. (Can't believe she's already 15 years old!) Taylor ended up going to get her hair done at the salon on Saturday morning. I think they did a good job :)
Taylor and her Homecoming date...Just the two of them went for dinner @ Damon's Grill, then hung out at our house watching TV until the dance actually started @ 9 PM. If you click on the picture, you can see the boutonniere I made for her date. It turned out just fine :) (It took me longer to stand in line @ Hobby Lobby to pay for the boutonniere pins than it did to actually make it!)
Taylor and me, Homecoming night...
As you know, I used to have the hairstyle pictured above...I'm not gonna lie; I really liked my hair that way. But I decided to go ahead with the 'pre-losin'-all-my-hair-from-chemo' haircut. Somehow taking that step ahead of time makes you feel like you have taken at least a little bit of control back from the cancer - if that makes any sense.

I used to wear my hair this short in this same style for many years. This is what I looked like when my husband & I first met, got married and started having kids. So actually it hasn't taken me too long to get used to short hair again. When I look in the mirror, I just see the 'old me', plus more wrinkles :) (Hey, at least I don't have big 'Dumbo' ears!)

Remember how I mentioned I thought I might cry when I got all that hair cut off? I didn't. I just sat there watching quite calmly. My attitude at this point is...'it's only hair and it will grow back'.

Happy Sunday to all!!!

Celebrate With Me, Won't You?

I went to the appointment with my oncologist yesterday. Mostly every single thing was positive news to share. There's only one "negative" thing...and that would be that I have to visit a special radiology oncologist to determine if it will be necessary for me to have radiation after I'm through with chemo. That's because there are still questions about how many lymph nodes were involved and if more than just the one was cancerous.

Here are some of the things we learned last night...

*The results of the bone scan determined there is NO bone cancer...YIPPEE!!!

*The EKG & echo-cardiogram tests came back as being normal...no worries there!

*The test on my breast tissue that was sent to the Mayo Clinic for additional testing came back as being favorable so I DO NOT have to take the drug Herceptin.

*The blood work I just had done showed nothing abnormal, although I am a bit anemic - which the doctor attributed to the recent surgeries I've had.

*I'll start chemotherapy treatments next Wednesday morning @ 11 AM. My husband is going to go with me for the first one. They told us it will be about 3 hours long. I'll have to go in the following day to receive a "booster shot" to ensure my immunities are kept up as much as they can possibly be.

*My chemo treatments with the first round of drugs will be for an 8 week period. The next part will be one day per week for 12 weeks...then I'll be through with chemo. So I'm looking at a 20-week time period.

Other than the big question mark about possibly having radiation, I felt as good as you possibly can about everything we learned from the doctor. I *know* it could be worse - MUCH worse - so I am grateful and praising the Lord :)
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I know it seems like I'm ALWAYS asking for prayer; I really do know. But - please, please, please - could you pray for our son Tyler? He needs a move of God in his life so desperately right now. Out of respect for him, I am not able to go into details about everything that is going on - but let me assure you, it's some serious life-changing type stuff and this mom's heart is more than broken. I just don't need anything else to deal with right now. God is faithful; that I know for sure. Please pray for Tyler; I'd be most grateful...
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There ARE some light-hearted, FUN things going on in our lives right now, too. It's not ALL serious! Homecoming is this weekend and our daughter Taylor is going to be attending the dance. Although they're not dating, she's going with the same boy from last year's Homecoming. I'm going to do Taylor's hair and make her date a boutonnierre (I've had some experience doing wedding flowers, etc.) so I'll be sure to take pictures. Tess and the rest of the 7th grade cheer squad are walking in the Homecoming Parade on Friday night. Hope the weather holds out!